What I Had in LIFE . . I expects too much

A lot had happened these few days that made me really unhappy
I was sad about a lot of things
I was sad about what that is happening to me
I was really down about my life . .
I wish I had more
I wish I had some guide
I really wish I had a glimpse of my future . .
But in reality,
This is what I've got . .

I really couldnt settle it all by myself
I guess what my bro said to my parents was all "rigths" after all
I only looked tough at the outside but not the inside . .

I thought about a lot of things that is going on
& I understands that life have to move on
But the fact and the thought that after hearing what mum had to say,
It actually made me realise that,
Not everyone is always that happy about what they want in life.
My mum says that if I were to really want to stop what I'm studying now,
Dadddy will bail me out this time. .
In other words, he will pay for the 20K that I owe government
Knowing of what he would do to help me really touches me deeply and made me cried
Mum also told me that she wont stop me from what I wanted to study
But the tell the truth,
What is it that I really want in THIS FREAKING LIFE OF MINE ???
to get out of MALAYSIA ??

I cried alot more nowadays
& how old am I ?
anyway, I'm still so confused
althought,
I am glad that no matter what happens,
Mum and Dad will be here for me
To support me no matter what mistakes that I made
Although I also know that if I were to really decide to quit,
This will be my only and last chance.
Financially, I guess this is the best a parent can do for a child
I love you Mum !
I love you Dad !
I'm sorry that I'm being so childish
I'm SORRY

An Apology

I guessed it was an apology that I actually wanted after all..
After the apology,
I somewhat felt better . .
or, am I just to darn naive ?
Does this mean that I'm giving her chance to sneek back into my life
& get hurt all over again ?
Nevertheless,
I'm not taking any chances

I know that in Life,
We are bound to trust the wrong person
But, that doesnt mean that we should shun ourselves from the society
It just means that we need to be more careful on who we trust next time.

Althought after her apology,
I wasnt really that mad & actually felt guilty for writting all the bad stuff she did to me
I'll still be careful around her . .
She is definately not as simple as she looked - really cunning and sly~

OOOhhhhh I PASS MY OSCE EXAM
Hurray for myslef =)

So SICK so Terrible~ *cough

My chest hurts due to my terrible cough
Or is it hurting due to something else ?

Last night, I couldnt breath due to my nose being blocked by excessive mucus =.=''
Coughing the whole night trying to sleep
But in the end, woke up due to nausea
My temperature went up again
&
This is for the first time in my entire life a minor fever would last this long
Pity right ?
But then, who am I to blame for all that is happening to me ?

I was the one who delibrately ignore my first dose of medication when I found out that I had fever
I was the one who delibrately skiped my medication
I was the one who delibrately consciously making my immune system weak
so, who am I to blame?
nobody but myself

To tell the truth, I really wished that my fever could be an excuse for me to skip college
But, darn my conscious mental ability
I guess I'm stronger than what I picture myself to be

& LAST NIGHT

People can be so inconsiderate
Knowing that someone is really sick in the room trying to get some decent rest before studying for the Finals
They can still invite friends to the hostel and start a TAMIL group discussion
Laughing and shouting
Switching on thier TAMIL BEAT as loud as them
I really couldnt understand
Is she doing this purposely ??
Or have she no idea of how loud her voice is ??

Please Understand~

Please understand that I need some time alone my dear parents
I know by now, you would think that I'm so irresponsible
Switching off my phone just like that
..................................................................................................................

I know that your worry mum. . .
I would too if I'm in your shoes
If I were to hear my daughter crying so sadly on the other line
Crying her little lungs out
Coughing her little tonsils until it swells

but, at this stage, I just want to be alone
Let me think for a while without distraction

I'm so sorry if I were to cause you sleepless nights thinking about me
But PLEASE UNDERSTAND,
I'm FINE
I wont do something as silly as suicide just because of this small issue
It's so not worth it if i die..

So please dont worry
I LOVE YOU MUM AND DAD
so, PLEASE UNDERSTAND ~

Pulling up my socks ! !

-F R I E N D S-

------------------------------------------------

I'm learning so give me some time..
Its hard to judge someone
BUt being effected but someone so not worth my concern it's even more stupid
so, I'm buckling up !
I'm PULLING UP MY SOCKS !
I'M not going to let her ruin my happy days in college
so not worth it..

Avoiding her
makes me think less
Althought I really need to gear up

All this heartbreaks and sleepless nights are taking the soul out of me
I really need some rest. . .

My fever is not subsiding but it actually increase..
Ohh, how my throat hurts

I had better chat with my classmates too today excluding her of course
because whenever I looked at her,
I feel so SICK
So disgusted

I guess, It's really obvious to what had happen between us to the class
so I wonder if she knew ??

p/s if any of you who are reading this blog and thinks you know who,
less keep this a secret between ourselves =)
I dont wish to cause havoc in class as you do know how
she talks and react dont you. . so that is the reason why I
kept quite for what she had done to me

SIGH~ today . . .

Today was not different from any other days
Except that the fact that I'm really stressed up
So stressed up with the Class
With my Friends
With this college
As I finally broke down and cried

I used to have a very strong immune system
Not effected even if the storm hits me.
But, this part of life, it's different.
It didnt hit me physically but emotinally.

Having to deal with the noisy class everyday,
Having to deal with all these people around me
Really hit me hard & slow..
I know I shouldnt have put everything at heart
But, she was someone I trusted and believed in
If someone like that could back-stab you,
What kind of world am I going to face next time ?
sigh~ this definately prove to me that I'm not good in judgement at all

I'm Sorry . .

I felt much better letting out what had happened to me
Writting in my blog
Writting in FB
& taking a big long nap

I thought about what I did
Maybe I had it too much
Maybe I've said too much
I'm sorry. . .

I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone
I'm sorry if I've made anyone felt uncomfortable
but please understand,
I'm human too
Dont push me too hard
because if I fall,
It hurts too . . .

I'm sorry . .

I HATE MY CLASS

Believe me when I say I hate my class...
My life is so so so much better with them hunting me to the ground haha ==''
It's not that I didnt like to help
But they really are pushing their luck

They acted as if I like scolding them
Some of my friends even thought that I'm have menstrual when I'm just fine due to my mood
They were the one's that F-ingly boiled my blood
Class please be quite..
Shh.. class dont make noise
Shhhhh...

Did anyone listen to me ??
yea- Me ...

Then it came to this..
The worst of all nightmares~ GROUP ASSIGNMENT

It's written in the name ~ G R O U P <- in other words,it means more than a person doing something with CO-OPERATION & TEAMWORK
How did I end up doing it all by myself
When they can have their own sweet time chit chatting here and there
Going out with boyfriends
& lazying around without any bother to even help out
HEY, it's not my work !! it's OUR WORK !!


THE BEST PART IS YET TO COME
hahaha.. one of them even asked me to go to her hostel & give her the NOTEs THAT I DID ! !
So C . L . E . V . E . R~
& of course I stupidly did
I spoon feed them after I chewed for them ==''
I gave them my notes - sigh sad isnt it ??
hmm.. after that, what happened next...
HA HA HA ... = =''
I gave them a part to read
& then
Then..


...

...


Then...



WHAT HAPPENed ??
They F-ingkly read S H I T ! ! worst then SHIT it was total B U L L S H I T ! ! ! !

Is it that hard to pronounce ENGLISH if you have effort of going throught what I chew and SPOON feeded you ??
I couldn't even imagine how bad did my group of SO - CALLED - FRIENDS did during the presentation with their .. em ar arr.. . .
They totally wasted my energy rushing for this annoying piece of presentation where it eats up around a few days (nearly a week plus) making me unable to do my revision..
If i knew that they were going to read SHIT, I wouldnt have done such a good job on preparing it
I would give them SHIT instead...
Althought, it was nice to get a praise for what I DID by the lecturer herself...

of course some helped so big applause to them & for those who took effort in looking throught the notes and practise reading it, trillion thanks * sincerely ~ WEEE for them


IN conclusion . . . ..
I am SO F... UP because of YOU!! - cohort 15A
THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE =)
I couldnt have done it without you !!!

I so HATE HER ! ! !

Being nice to people and then torture them is the most cruel way of tormenting a person..

I was stupid to believe in her..
That she was
Nice . . .
Kind . . .
Genorous . . .
Patience . . .

WHAT a LIE ! ! WHAT a JOKE ! ! WHAT BULLSHIT ! !
It was all a lie when I found out that she always blames me for things I did not do

EG
My housemates would asked her.. How did the warden found out that something something happened?
She would GLADLY use my name in everything
MICHELLE told her ==''
MICHELLE did it..

But, it was her that DID IT ! when she told me to keep quite about it..
Now she turn the whole story around ??
Gosh she should really resign from being a nurse.. an atress would be more fitted for her...
What a good Drama
What a good Show

I really am annoyed as I am always being with her..
How am I supposed to STAND this kind of behaviour ??
What have I done to her to make her want to spoilt my image
How many lies did she said about me??

Well I guess is that AVOIDING her is the BEST SOLUTION
JUST BE NICE !! ==''

=) So far So GOOD ??

So far so good is the best slogan I've used so FAR
It doesnt make u look coccky and it answers to some people's question

My wish came true yesterday having him to message me =)
Gosh I was happy
He even scored well in his test
Well that is a great news too isnt it

But happy ending doesnt really last long dont they??
So I guess, this is still a So far So GOOD case~

Wishing for something that may never happen

I'm having seriuos madness
Having to look at my tiny screen to see a message alert
Trying to wish and hope for something nowadays seem so impossible
Life's hard isnt it..
It's harder when you decide that you want to give up

Having to wonder what is he thinking
Doing
Is all driving me up the wall~
God do I hate him ! ! !