Feelings~

Lately, all my feelings are jumbled up in my head
& I cant seem to get rid of it.. .

I was CLUELESS as to; Do I really need to job ?
then when I got my job, AT TIMES, I was CONFUSED as to what my boss actually wanted me to do.. . .

But worst of all that had happened lately was I'm getting DOUBTFUL~

Having this job made me realize that earning a living is harder than I thought.. .
I always wanted an easy going life.. . Having nothing but POWER, WEALTH and of course HEALTH.. ..
I Wanted everything I wished I had.. .
& I wanted EVERYTHING in MY LIFE to be PERFECT the way I see it.. .

But I know deep DOWN within me. .. What I wanted will never come true.. .
because I know how reality works it's charm.. .
the MORE you want it.. . The more you cant have it.. .
the lest you expects it. .. the more likely it'll happen.. .

In my case.. .
RELaTIONSHIP~

I dont know~
Maybe it's ME or
Maybe it's US
But most probably IT'S ME

I confessed.. .

I'm getting cautions~
I was deeply hurt, wounded, scared and frighten.. .
but I gave up...
having him to confessed in a way made all those pain go away

but I didnt care anymore after a while.. .
Of course meeting him those days really made me happy.. .
But I wondered was I or am I just curios about us ??

It was fun and enjoyable having to talk to someone.. .
But the fact is, everybody need a friend dont they ??

I said I didnt mind about things which sometimes I do
I said I didnt care about things he did but sometimes I do..
I dont know why I tolerated it all.. .
or was I giving myself a chance ?

I'm doubtful all right.. .
I'm REALLY DOUBTFUL~

I said let fate take it's turn
&
I said let what the future may holds shines to myself
I dont want us just break
but I guess I didnt want him to hurt more~
I rather have him dump me to tell the truth although according to the book of BOYS and GIRLS.. .
A girl should never be dump by a boy.. .
I dont mind.. .
I rather him hate me instead of him tearing in to pieces.. .

Tell me What I'm suppose to do ??? ? ?

I wanted what I got .. . But is he what I want ?? ?

I'm so CLUELESS
I'm so CONFUSED
I'M SO DOUBTFUL.. .

Help~ any suggestions ??

Working days~

I've found a JOB~
Well at first I was excited... . >.< didnt know why
But after I really worked,
I felt OMG what am I doing ?? ?
the pay I had was so little I think that my boss is in a way using us~

I was only paid Rm3.50 per hour and I was to WORK LIKE A COW.. .
I didnt know why that I bother to continue working there.. . .
It's not that I'm broke or anything or the fact that my parents are.. .
because this job sweeping, mopping, rearranging stuff, carrying heavy load, climbing up and down and etc. is KILLING me.. .
My mum wanted me to quit my job
But I was thinking what else can I do with my 4 days of working days when I didnt have any activities left to do.. .
I know working like a cow for RM3.50 is not worth it at all.. .
but in a way,
It gives me a lesson not to waste money ( not that I do )
and also to appreciate what my parents gave me.. .

In a way, now, I love my parents even more now that I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS to earn ONLY RM3.50/hour~

though, I am getting tired easily and my mood is definitely shifting from good to bad and bad to worst
but I think everything should be fine when pay day comes.. ..

SIGH~ LIFE.. .. . .
GOD! ! ! will i lead a good life in the future ??? ? ?

Happy Mother's Day to All

The GREATEST celebration one can do for their mum...
I LOVE my MUM
but I totally forgot to get her gift from the bakery =.="
I guess I was too busy rushing my delayed life sketches~

I gave her a long hug and a light peck on her cheeks almost unnoticeable~

Well, today was a wild wild day for me after waking up at 6.30am just to get ready
but ended up starting our journey back to where education calls at 10-11am
nevertheless break-lunch was not bad =D

The most memorable part of this trip and of every trip every time I'm force to go back to college
My heart would always feel heavy every time I leave my mum.. .
I'm so not going to be independent that way~
sigh~

Still, I'm happy that now she's safe at home =)
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY