Feelings~

Lately, all my feelings are jumbled up in my head
& I cant seem to get rid of it.. .

I was CLUELESS as to; Do I really need to job ?
then when I got my job, AT TIMES, I was CONFUSED as to what my boss actually wanted me to do.. . .

But worst of all that had happened lately was I'm getting DOUBTFUL~

Having this job made me realize that earning a living is harder than I thought.. .
I always wanted an easy going life.. . Having nothing but POWER, WEALTH and of course HEALTH.. ..
I Wanted everything I wished I had.. .
& I wanted EVERYTHING in MY LIFE to be PERFECT the way I see it.. .

But I know deep DOWN within me. .. What I wanted will never come true.. .
because I know how reality works it's charm.. .
the MORE you want it.. . The more you cant have it.. .
the lest you expects it. .. the more likely it'll happen.. .

In my case.. .
RELaTIONSHIP~

I dont know~
Maybe it's ME or
Maybe it's US
But most probably IT'S ME

I confessed.. .

I'm getting cautions~
I was deeply hurt, wounded, scared and frighten.. .
but I gave up...
having him to confessed in a way made all those pain go away

but I didnt care anymore after a while.. .
Of course meeting him those days really made me happy.. .
But I wondered was I or am I just curios about us ??

It was fun and enjoyable having to talk to someone.. .
But the fact is, everybody need a friend dont they ??

I said I didnt mind about things which sometimes I do
I said I didnt care about things he did but sometimes I do..
I dont know why I tolerated it all.. .
or was I giving myself a chance ?

I'm doubtful all right.. .
I'm REALLY DOUBTFUL~

I said let fate take it's turn
&
I said let what the future may holds shines to myself
I dont want us just break
but I guess I didnt want him to hurt more~
I rather have him dump me to tell the truth although according to the book of BOYS and GIRLS.. .
A girl should never be dump by a boy.. .
I dont mind.. .
I rather him hate me instead of him tearing in to pieces.. .

Tell me What I'm suppose to do ??? ? ?

I wanted what I got .. . But is he what I want ?? ?

I'm so CLUELESS
I'm so CONFUSED
I'M SO DOUBTFUL.. .

Help~ any suggestions ??