It's been tough . . .

After quitting nursing,
Offered was made by S'pore's hospitals
They are now recruiting nurses from Malaysia for those who are interested that is..
Well, I was but not anymore
I really do not want to try my luck no more
I have been going in and coming out from colleges twice now
And I dont plan on doing it the third time

I had a chat with my parents about the college I'll be taking in Jan
The biggest problem is that,
This college do not offer loans . .
In other words,
So far, students are funding themselves in the college (RICH KIDS)
sigh~

I do not really want to give in for this reason for the college I choose
But then, I really dont like K.. (in fact, I hate K..)
The E...... - not really interested
but these colleges offer me better than . . .
What to do??? what to do ???

What makes me think harder is that
when my dad told me that he thought that I'm loaning money from gov,
he didnt really need to pay much
But due to all this,
he shocked his head . . .
I didnt know how to react to it
But I was really guilty . . .
I'm using his savings to survive & for my selfish needs . .

AND what if I dont get a job ??
How am I suppose to repay his deed ??

This is just so difficult
I just wished that I could run away from all this
I really wished that I have a fantasy land where I can hide
But I guess this is reality
If I were to stay in my dream land things would ended out worst
well,
the faster I realize that the world is getting tough,
The faster I'll face the truth and deal with it
----------------------------------------

I'm getting worried about a lot of things
Am my parents financially prepared for all my expenses ??
Am I ready to face my fear in the design world ??
Am I able to cope with all this ??
Am I suitable for this course ??

I dont deserve all this!!

My only wish now is that when one day really comes and I'm dealing so far so good in my life,
I wish that I have saved up something special for my parents for all they had done for me
SUPPORTING me
LOVING ME
& BELIEVING me

althought I'm worry myself (so is my dad)if I couldnt get a job one day
WELL, I wish fate isnt cruel