I feel so depressed . . HELP ME!!

GOSH~ damn my life
So GOD when do you think you will stop making this joke out of me and my family ??
I thought you would stop once you feel that it's already enough ??

LIFE is So difficult . .
LIVING ia so diffucult . .
Why are chineese so afraid of living and so afraid of dying ??

Anyway . .
Life still continues whether I like it or not
I think I'm disturbing my Miss alot which I have no intention of making her feel that way
But I guess maybe I should really be more independent and depend less on others for help

Okay main topic . .
I'm hating nursing
Deciding to QUIT
But what am I going to do if I dont get a job ??
But truthfully is nursing really going to get me overseas since we MALAYSIAN NURSES are not even highly looked upon by them ...

But is it possible if I took up interior design it'll help me to get overseas ??
Will I be able to ??
Will I be able to outshine other talents ??
Will I be able to be OUTSTNADING ??
Do I have the talent ??
Or am I going to be another girl who dreams a lot . .
Who althougth worked hard will have nothing . .
Will I be the lucky one who will have a happy ending
Or am I going to be just another unimportant person who sits in the office and wait for things to happen

I've been asking this agian and again to God if His playing with me
But is He actually giving me chance ??
Is He by any chance helping ??

YEAH !!
I dont wan to be like my family
I dont want to just make ends meat
But I'm not looking down on them
I love my parents
that's why I dont want to be like them
I want them to have more
I want to repay them . .

I dont need them to praise me for thing which I will give them
I dont need those compliments
I just wanted them to enjoy
I want to help them in time of crisis
SO,
I dont want to be like my family
Because I wanted more in my future so to give back to my parents and still have some for my own family . .
AM I thinking too darn much
Or should I just go with the FLOW
be MERRY AND HAPPY
and HAPPY GO LUCKY
gosh ~ HELP ME
I'm so depressed . .
MID term is in 5 days..
NOt even having the mood to care about it..
GOD DAMN why CANT I be lucky ??