I feel so ~

S T U P I D to even care . . . .
What am I doing ??
I'm doing this for about so many months now
& GOD, I'm so tired !!!

The sickening emotion that makes me
So angry
So sick
So FRUSTRATED !!!

I kept asking myself again and again . . .
Why do I care ??

truthfully, I really wish to CRY
I really feel like blurring my eyes with tears
I really FEEL LIKE hey!
Who do you think you are ??

& what keeps me holding on is the thought that
the way . . use to . . . . to me
I could see predictions on him
as thought I would know what to expect
I just do although sometimes, it would be inaccurate

I really hate him but why do I still get all excited every time I see his message ???
GOD damn I'm blind
But God damn it I was BLIND enough to see him . . .

I really hate those times when he says goodnight
but what am I suppose to do ??
I wonder if telling him that I . . ....
was the right move?
considering that everything now is way more awkward that ever !!!
I couldnt say things lightly anymore because in a way,
THINGS MEANT SOMETHING at least to me when i wrote it
but he'll always take it as a joke
but thinking rationally now,
is it the reason why he took it as a joke is because he actually NEVER WANTED IT TO BE REAL ???


sigh~
My brother once told be if I build a fence to high, nobody would be able to see the beauty of the garden behind the fence ...
If I build it too low and everyone would be climbing over the fence. . .

but the problem is did I build it right ??
I wasnt open to much guys
In fact,I didnt even gave them a chance nor myself a chance because I was only seeing ...
He was always there in my ... .. .
But it feels like now, I'm only trying to catch his shadow~
which HEY DEAR~ wake up IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

AM SO DEPRESSED~
wish he would care... .
REALLY wish he WOULD